Alright, so I am starting The Purpose Driven Life with one of my best friends. Is it crazy that just on day 2 I almost had a breakdown and cry moment? Mind you the fact that I'm doing this at 4am may play some role lol! So here is the passage I read, it's a poem by Russel Kelfer:
You are who you are for a reason.
You're part of an intricate plan.
You're a precious and perfect unique design,
Called God's special woman or man.
You look like you look for a reason.
Our God made no mistake.
He knit you together within the womb,
You're just what he wanted to make.
The parents you had were the ones he chose,
And no matter how you may feel,
They were custom designed with God's plan in mind,
And the bear the Master's seal.
No, that trauma you faced was not easy.
And God wept that it hurt you so;
But it was allowed to shape your heart
So that into his likeness you'd grow.
You are who you are for a reason,
You've been formed by the Master's rod.
You are who you are, beloved,
Because there is a God!
The part that god me in the gut was the second part. I'm a mixed child who very clearly looks mixed. There are more and more of us in the world now, but when I was a child I was asked all the time "What are you?" And not from children, but from adults. This bred in me a sense that I was different and different in a way, and maybe... maybe one that wasn't so good. I mean, if people had to know what I was, it had to matter right?
I was so sure that I was over feeling like an "other" but when I read this passage I started tearing up to realize that the way I look was chosen. I was meant to look so easily identifiable as bi-racial. I was meant to have blondish hair, that was still coarse and African American in texture. I was meant to have blue/green eyes, tanish skin, long legs.
I was not meant to be a "thick" girl with curves and lots of muscle mass. I'm a girl who tends to be on the thin side... just like I was made to be. I was made to have these wrinkles across my head because I raise my eyebrows to much. I was made to have eyes that look like they're closed when I laugh or smile really hard.
There is NOTHING about me that is a mistake or that was made to be fixed, altered, changed, or lamented.
That is so freeing...
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